and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There r osticjed everywhere
Houston, we have a squirter
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The power of my boobs compel you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
