Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
