I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
