I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
