My nipple is on Facebook.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
