dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
