You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she told me i tasted like america
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
