Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
