Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
