my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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