I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize