Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
