No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
