The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
