i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize