Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this boner is exhausting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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