i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
