yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
