What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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