I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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