good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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