Its about making memories worth repressing
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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