3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The beer is more important than you right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
