Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
