He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
