i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
