I think I died a long time ago.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
