No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Semen is not good for contacts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
