Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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