Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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