I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
