you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
