C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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