I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
