I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
