Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
