Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
