Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
