I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
