Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
