yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
