i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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