what day is it and did you see me today?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
