You're completely useless in the revolution.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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