meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
