Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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