Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
