Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my phone needs a breathalizer
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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