So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
