I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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