so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
