is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
