They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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