it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
