my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
