By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
