You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize