So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
