I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
