you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just google imaged poop.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
