one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
