apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
