Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
