I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
