I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i think i just lost a toe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
