She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
