i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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