Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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