I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
