is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
